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- “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest!
- Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- “More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free?
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
- I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
- All generalizations are false.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- “Criminal Lawyer” is redundancy.