To Keep in Mind

  1. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
  2. 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
  3. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
  4. Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
  5. …Every morning is the dawn of a new error…
  6. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
  7. I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
  8. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  9. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  10. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  11. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
  12. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  13. Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  14. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  15. Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D’Etat!
  16. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
  17. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
  18. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  19. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  20. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  21. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
  22. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  23. 24 hours in a day…24 beers in a case…coincidence?
  24. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
  25. Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
  26. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
  27. All computers wait at the same speed.
  28. DEFINITION: Computer – A device designed to speed and automate errors.
  29. Press <CTRL-<ALT-<DEL to continue …
  30. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
  31. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
  32. “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981
  33. Hit any user to continue.