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- “Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest!
- Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- “More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free?
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
- I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
- All generalizations are false.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- “Criminal Lawyer” is redundancy.
- Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
- 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
- Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
- Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- …Every morning is the dawn of a new error…
- For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
- I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
- Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
- Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
- Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D’Etat!
- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
- Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
- Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
- The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- 24 hours in a day…24 beers in a case…coincidence?
- Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
- Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
- Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
- All computers wait at the same speed.
- DEFINITION: Computer – A device designed to speed and automate errors.
- Press <CTRL-<ALT-<DEL to continue …
- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
- Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
- “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981
- Hit any user to continue.
